Home Fashion & Style Seeking Relationship, Therapy Required – The New York Times

Seeking Relationship, Therapy Required – The New York Times

by Jersey Lady

Like most dates, Brooklyn model Elyse Fox, 32, is looking for a partner who is kind, attractive, smart, and funny. She wants him to love to travel, be ready for commitment, and be a good communicator, but there’s one thing she’s non-negotiable. He must be working on his mental health and hopefully in regular therapy.

She decided to make this rule a few weeks ago after dating a guy who took his problems off her. I was pouring out all of this trauma and my childhood,” Fox said.

As someone who goes to therapy, she felt proactive about her issues. Why wouldn’t she want a partner with the same mindset? “I love people who can take care of themselves,” she said.

Sometimes you will come across the information you are looking for naturally. Swipe through dating apps like Raya and Hinge to find profiles that mention therapy. “Even if I’m not physically attracted to them, it pushes me to align with them,” she said.

Other times she has to dig. When she meets people, she finds ways to bring up topics. “I kind of ask questions,” she said. “I said, ‘You seem to have a really stressful job, how are you doing? What are you doing to feel supported?'”

“I asked the man and he said he’s been in therapy for four years,” she added. “I was instantly attracted to him.”

Generation Z and young millennials Probability is high According to a 2018 study by the American Psychological Association, they are more likely to seek mental health help than older generations. The pandemic has also brought mental health further into the mainstream, forcing people to speak up as a priority.

Some of this is now trickling into dating. Rather than looking for someone of a certain height or a certain occupation, many single people say they want someone who is committed to their mental health.

They advertise their requirements on their dating profile. According to the company, references to treatment in Tinder member bios increased by 25% in 2021. (“Emotionally stable” rose 12% for him, while “emotionally mature” rose 47% for him.) Hinge surveyed users in his November We found that 91% of users prefer to date someone who is in therapy.

Many of these daters have learned how to smoothly investigate someone’s mental health regimen.

“I bring up my therapist in conversations and see if they mention my therapist,” says Theodora Branchfield, 39, an author and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. Told.

“I used to hide going to therapy when I saw people, but now it’s like going to the gym,” she said. I’m looking for a nice girl to take me back to my therapist,’ but I’ve never found anything so quickly.”

Having battled depression and anxiety, she knows she needs a partner who takes her mental health seriously. “It’s important to me that no one blames your mental health condition or thinks you’re crazy for going to therapy,” she said. I think men are more likely to be more empathetic.” )

She also believes that some lessons people may learn in therapy, such as how to communicate more effectively and set boundaries, will make future relationships smoother. We hope it will be less likely,” she said.

Monifa Brooks, 28, who works at a media agency in Manhattan, saw firsthand what the treatment had done for her after starting a session during the pandemic. She “learned how to communicate her own needs without intimidating her,” she said. She said, “Especially when we were dating, she was pleasing, so I had a hard time setting boundaries, but now I’m good at it.”

She believes finding a partner in therapy can help her maintain balance. If so, it will eventually permeate me.

Her strategy is to directly ask potential partners if they’ve seen a mental health professional. “I try to be really transparent about who I am and where my standards are.”

For Sarah Papadellias, 32, an attorney in Tampa, Fla., the men she dates don’t have to have treatment per se. I know there are people who haven’t joined,” she said. But they need to work on their mental health. “Do you keep a journal? Do you meditate?”

She considers this screening essential. “We’ve long focused on physical safety. When I go on dates, I let my friends know where I’m going. I share the location. I do my due diligence.” she said. “But now I realize that I also have to worry about my mental safety. I need to make sure that person doesn’t do anything that would abuse or traumatize you.”

“I think having a green flag for these dates is an investment in our safety,” she added.

Some daters who have successfully found a partner who is committed to their mental health are now reaping the benefits.

Dillon Mulroy, 29, a software engineer in Raleigh, North Carolina, started seeing a therapist after a painful divorce. When he was ready to start dating again, he realized that sharing his therapeutic journey made him more desirable.

“It can be unsettling to hear someone get divorced, but I’ve been able to let people know that it’s a big deal.” We are now in a healthy space.”

He was also more attracted to women who shared their experiences of seeing mental health professionals. I think it has maturity,’ he said. . He now has a girlfriend, both of whom are in therapy, which he believes makes them closer.

“I feel like I’m in a safer place to talk about difficult topics with people I know are vulnerable, self-reflecting, and trying to better themselves,” he said. “It’s all about the fact that we’re both in therapy.”

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